those words got caught in the depths of my throat. those four words I rehearsed and re-rehearsed (if there is such a word) about a zillion times all the “one-hour” way home. I tried to swallow but I choked.
deliberating the methods of facing up to my undoing; I chose confrontation (one to one) over texting, lest I startle her with my incompetent phrasing.
I parked, got out of the car, looked at my mum squarely in the eyes and said, “I crashed the car.” it was out in a heartbeat.
there was a pregnant pause – followed by, “where?”
the entire family proceeded to scrutinize the damage. I stood there rooted to the ground. if there was a perfect situation to describe speechless, this would be it.
later that night, she asked me how I felt. I went quiet and thought about it for abit. it kinds felt like a cross between being stuck in a whirlwind and a tormenting storm.
as the storm rages, you are faced with the threat of being thrown overboard. you hang onto the sails and then the realization hits you – slowly but surely. there is a captain in charge of the ship. he steers the ship. he will never let you get hurt let alone entertain the thought of you being thrown overboard. and you? you belong onboard the ship. all you need to do is rest. and watch him ride the waves and calm the storm.
I don’t have all the answers and I don’t always know why, but I know that YOU are in control. and I judge your love for me, faithful – a love that never fails – by the cross.
you are my strength regardless of my circumstance.
xoxo Jesus’ girl :)